So much has changed in the world since the original “How Sushi are You”
Gay Marriage became legal; Greece somehow ran out of money (in spite of their A-Mazing yogurt) and Birkenstocks came back!
While Sushi does not change, our lives have definitely evolved in the last 4 years. And so we decided it was time to bring a fresh new list (Broken up conveniently into two parts).
Below is a list of some things that are sushi. How sushi are you?
- We are still besties
- Who talk to our moms at least 10 times per week
- We live in New York or LA
- And if we don’t – we visit often, are slightly jeal, but swear we LOVE where we live (Insert other Major City on one of the coasts or Chicago HERE)
- We now speak in #hashtags
- And Yogisms (I’m so centered!… and balanced!!!)
- Kk! (Soooo much easier than OK!)
- We’re obsessed with Netflix
- Farmers Markets
- And @TheFatJewish!
- Actually — we are obsessed with just about everything we even remotely like.
- We have mastered the “1 word sentence”
- And emojis (Editor’s Note: how did people convey emotion before these existed?!)
- We only read in lists
- And have no attention spans!
- The most important thing in our lives is how many/who/how quickly people LIKE our Instagram pics.
- Followed closely by Coachella! (even though it’s 120 degrees, in the middle of the desert, and I’ve never heard of a single one of the bands!)
- We wear Indiana Jones hats
- And white Converse Chuck Taylors!
- While drinking Vodka Sodas and Rosé
- Sushbros wear J Crew checkered shirts
- And love IPAs or a good scotch – #refined
- Should we take a shot of Fireball? #AmazeBalls
- Our DVRs read: BRAVO (Literally every show they make), Bachelor/ette/Pad/Paradise, GOT and The Kardashians #LoveWins
- Cleansing replaced… eating!
- We are always way too busy with work
- Go to the doctor 5X more than the average person
- Have conveniently developed gluten allergies.
- And have no idea what a gluten is!
- Everything is A-mazing, fun or cute
- “The Best” or “The Worst”
- Except the word everything, is well… EVERYTHING
- Our phone is in our hand 99% of non-sleeping hours
- (While our other hand still spends the majority of its time twirling our hair)
- We have $500/Month juicing habits
- And $30 is the minimum we will spend for a workout ……………………………………………………………………………………………………….
- Once we hit our mid 20’s-early 30’s, some things start to change
- Well not the Insta part… Insta LIKES are the heroin of the urban Millennial.
- One by one, your besties get engaged
- And then married
- They move to Brooklyn (so much more space!)
- Or the suburbs (Welp… Never seeing them again!)
- Unless David works for a hedge farm or in private equity (I still can’t) in which case they move to TriBeCa.
- Ali quits her PR job to become a Jewelry Designer/Yoga instructor/Board member of a charity #FollowYourDreams
- And specializes in posting inspirational quotes on Insta #Helpful
- Will Jacob make partner at the law firm?
- It doesn’t matter cause he now wants to pursue a career in Venture Capital! #DisruptiveTechnology
- The Skimm!
- Your world becomes divided by one simple question.
- Are you married or not married?
- Ali and David LOVE being married
- Ali gushes about how this is all she ever wanted
- David reminds you how much he would have KILLED IT if Tinder was around when he was single!
- Spending time with married friends requires a calendar invite
- Their lives become dinner parties, trying to set up single friends, talking about babies and going to sleep at 10PM #EXCITING
- Because secretly marriage provides us with an excuse not to do anything ever!
- Single Sushettes and Sushbros join Tinder, Hinge, Happn, Bumble and the 1,700 new knock offs
- Every Sushbro thinks he has the BEST idea for a new dating App
- We add Facebook pics exclusively to update our dating profiles
- Some of us are chill and meet the right person at the right time
- Some of us… well not so much
- Jordana started dating a #CFA because she thought it stood for Cute, Fun and Amazing. (Poor thing)
- Sheri reserved the TriBeCa grand rooftop for her wedding 18 months from now… despite not currently having a boyfriend
- PS – Is there a job where you can be a wedding hashtag consultant?
- Sushi dinners become far less regular, inconvenient (No Sarah- we are not meeting in Brooklyn Heights!!!) and with fewer participants.
- (Confession: While I have never been to Brooklyn, I totally love it!)
- Venice, WeHo or Silver Lake???
- New York got too expensive so I am moving to LA.
- LA is sooooo much chiller
- Uber makes everything so easy
- 1pm yoga classes replace… WORKING!!!
- And everyone from ZBT and Theta has made at least one celebrity bestie! #NeedOne
- Maybe I’ll move to SF and join a startup green juice delivery app!
- Weekend trips to Tahoe
- And then I’ll marry a really tall white guy who wears khakis and went to school in New England!
- But I can’t… My family, Ali and Jordana still live in New York!
- So it’s actually my dream to be bi-coastal
- Bungalow AND Surf Lodge! #TheDream
- You can still visit your Michigan/Wisconsin besties in Chicago (in the Summer)
- The people are so nice and they finally have a Soho House
- But it’s tough to actually live there- Brr Too cold!
- Slowly your besties have babies
- And in case you ever forgot – they remind you daily on Insta #Blessed
- And #UGH! do these pics get a ton of cheap LIKES…#JEAL
- They name boys after girls and girls after boys and boys and girls after made up things.
- Lindsay, Ali and David have been replaced by Madison, Arabella and anything that sounds like a piece of tree bark
- You schedule appointments 4 weeks in advance to meet Sarah and David’s Peanut named #babyhashtag at 6PM on a Saturday night – THEY’RE SO TIRED!
- Then you meet Ali, Ally and Allison for Sushi at Nobu, Haru, Katsuya or Sugar Fish
- You get too tired by midnight
- Because you finally have a career and are no longer dependent on the Bank of Daddy
- And so you go home — a 12 minute, tinder-filled, Uber ride — for which you ponder how your life became one giant right-swiping, surge pricing notification.
- You eat a few zero calorie, gluten free, whole grain, freely traded, locally sourced, organic rice cakes (they have no taste!!!)
- And then go to sleep – where you dream of adopting a puppy
- You then wake up early – (SO MUCH BETTER!)
- And immediately check your phone
FADE TO BLACK
I decided to quit my job as a PR Account Manager to pursue my childhood dream of becoming an Instagram Consultant.
I will be writing my Instagram Manifesto
Sushi With My Girls: The Pursuit of the Perfect Angle
“The Guide to getting married by looking so F’ing hot on Instagram”
- Follow us on Twitter for updates on new posts (Including the Instagram Manifesto)
- Instagram- @SushiWMyGirls (COMING VERY SOON)
- Email: Sushaholic@gmail.com
- Please: Share “Sushi With My Girls!”